Jasmin Lee Cori, M.S. - Author, Mind, Body & Spirit

A student of the Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön asked a question in a retreat where Pema was teaching tonglen, a practice in which you imagine taking in the suffering of others and sending out your own happiness and well-being. The student had a startling thought: What if it works? Am I really willing to take on the suffering of others?

You might have a similar question: What will be asked of me on this spiritual journey? Will I have to give my possessions to the poor? Give shelter to the homeless? Give up my vacation to do volunteer work? Will I have to forgive my brother-in-law?

I have read book after book saying that spiritual life means giving up everything, including and most importantly your very self. This is true (the small self cannot reach the destination), but it’s not great psychology to sound like you’re out to take everything away. We might have more company on this journey if we focused less on what we must give up and more on what we’re getting.

A spiritual path needs to address suffering, but part of the antidote to pain is the gifts inherent in our essential nature, so we want to get to these gifts as soon as we can. (I’ve always been one to open a present as soon as it comes.) 

In this leg of my journey, I'm not giving up things I don't want to give up and not having them taken away by cranky old nuns or Zen masters hitting me with a stick. Rather than follow rules or somebody else’s program, I’m following instructions given to me directly. Let me explain.

We all have different assignments. As we grow spiritually, we do whatever is ours to do. Some people will go to the jungles and provide basic health care to the people who live there. Some will teach inner city kids. Some will write music (we need music!). Some will work at the grocery store (those are the clerks that smile). Some will march in protests and go to jail. Some will hold babies. So it's not like signing up for the army. You have choices.

This is one of those more magical things: it will feel like you are choosing, but there are actually instructions to follow. This time the instructions are not in such tiny print that you have to use a magnifying glass on top of your bifocals. They are written large, but in a place people don't always think to look. You’ll find them in your heart.

So if your instruction is to teach inner city kids, that will be fun for you; if your instruction is to march in the street, you'll want to do that. You might not like every itty bitty part of it, but mostly you'll like it. I think this is a much better design than earning brownie points for doing things you hate. When I do something I hate, I don't feel very good inside.

There will be some sacrifices (full disclosure), but when we’re following the instructions inside, it will feel like those are just the right thing to do. It’s right to give that money or help that person or forgive the jerk that hurt you. You won’t be doing it to be good, but rather to be you. 

What is you are called to do will continue to change, and it is a matter of keeping up with that. Back to the tonglen example, there will be a you that is big enough to take on the suffering without losing your light in the process.

Adapted from The Magic of Your True Nature