Jasmin Lee Cori, M.S. - Author, Mind, Body & Spirit

Childhood sexual abuse is one of the loneliest experiences on the planet. It is being alone in three significant ways:

1. Alone with the secret. First, such abuse almost always leaves one alone with the secret of the abuse. It is an awful, wounding secret that could destroy, and so we keep it safe, sometimes even from ourselves.

2. Disconnected from the perpetrator. Sex is supposed to be one of the most intimate experiences in the world, but with sexual abuse the two parties are about as far apart as two people in one experience can be. The abuser is totally disconnected from the actual experience of the victim who has become an object. Any previous relationship is lost during these moments.

3. Disconnected from self. The experience of sexual abuse is overwhelming for a child, so many dissociate. They are disconnected from what happens during the abuse and often disconnected for years after, as the experience is not in normal memory.

No wonder a victim of childhood sex abuse feels utterly alone and abandoned. The depth of this aloneness can reverberate through one’s system for years, leaving a trail of tears. It may leave a sensitivity toward experiences where people are together but not emotionally connected. Emotional disconnection paired with physical touch can be especially triggering, eliciting painful earlier feelings or perhaps dissociation.

You were alone then, but you don’t need to be alone now. This kind of intense experience can be hard for friends and partners to hold, so it is good to find a qualified professional to help you process this trauma.