Jasmin Lee Cori, M.S. - Author, Mind, Body & Spirit

Happiness is not just the outcome of healing but can also facilitate healing. When my trauma therapist first suggested I “bathe in grace” every day, it fell on deaf ears. Many years later, I now understand.

Traumatic states are very magnetic, as are any emotional states that we habitually inhabit. Any state can become home for us, the place we naturally reside. Sometimes these are referred to as “attractor states,” meaning it is where the nervous system is naturally pulled to. It can be a state of hopelessness, anxiety, or anything else.

Moments of contentment, pleasure, and meaning (components of happiness) help counter-balance negative attractor states. They provide a different experience for the nervous system, creating more choice. They are also a lubricant, giving us the energy and motivation to then tackle the hard stuff.

Research shows that positive emotions lead to feeling more resourceful, more energetic, and more sociable, all of which further support healing. There are many great tips in The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD. who spent 18 years researching happiness. Rather than think we’ll be happy when our life looks a certain way, the key is to practice the behaviors and attitudes that promote happiness. Many of the suggestions below come from her work.

1. Stop to savor.

Did you ever look forward to something and then realize too soon that it’s over and somehow you sort of missed it? It might be appreciating a particular food or time with a loved one or a special place. This is common, as we are generally not fully present to what we’re experiencing. Savoring is taking the time to really take in and enjoy the small pleasures of life. It is such potent medicine that Lyubomirsky found that those who spent 8 minutes a day savoring for 3 consecutive days felt better a month later.

2. Flow!

Flow has been defined as intense absorption in the present moment, usually involving a task that takes some skill. Playing an instrument or sport or doing an art form all may lead to the pleasurable experience of flow. It is important to have some activities like this that give you a vacation from your attractor states and usual mindset.

I have expanded this to what I call “flow time,” which is feeling moment by moment for what is “in the flow,” the natural thing to do next. I can’t always do this, but when I do, I find this time very pleasurable (and surprisingly productive!).

3. Practice gratitude.

There has been a lot of press about gratitude, and it is well deserved. With gratitude, we focus on what is going right rather than what we don’t like. At any given moment, there is much that is non-problematic, although we take these things for granted and seldom notice them.

Gratitude helps us let go of grudges and not feel so bitter about life, which is easy to get stuck in if you’ve had a lot of hardship. An advanced practice is to include even your hardships in your gratitude practice, which helps you see the learning that is offered in those hardships.

Gratitude raises your vibration. Being grateful opens your heart and makes you glow.

4. Learn how to shift your lens.

People who suffer from depression are often caught in a negative way of looking at the world. What researchers call Learned Optimism is a correction for this. People who think more optimistically fare better in times of high stress, because they have the flexibility to shift their view. That doesn’t require going all the way to the other end of the spectrum where you deny suffering, but you learn to see the both-and.

5. Don’t indulge rumination.

Ruminating on problems can really sink you. This is not to say that you must always push difficult things out of mind, but rather to discern when your contemplation of them serves a useful purpose and when you’re just digging a bigger hole. To not get captured in thoughts, you need a little distance from them. You need to widen your awareness to include what it feels like for your brain to be so busy and everything else that is happening—like holding your breath or contractions in your body. Rumination is getting caught in a negative spiral of thought.

6. Practice random (or planned) acts of kindness.

When you behave in generous and kind way, it helps connect you to your heart. Lyubomirsky found that acting kindly on a regular basis increased happiness for an extended period, although such acts cannot be rote. You have to feel it to have it affect you. Other research has confirmed a “helper’s high” that comes with helping another.

7. Act the way you want to feel.

This is the well-known principle of “Fake it until you make it.” So, for example, when you act happier, you feel happier. There is even evidence that the body picks up on something like a smile and reinforces it.

8. Cultivate close relationships.

Having more close relationships helps people feel better emotionally as well as supporting physical health through things like improved immune functioning. If your relationships are not fully satisfying, look at how you can improve them and cultivate new friends.

9. Get out and exercise.

A Duke University study shows that exercise may be just as effective as drugs in treating depression, without all the side effects and expense. Exercise releases feel-good endorphins and boosts self-esteem. It helps regulate the body and get us out of those stuck states.

10. Adopt meaningful goals.

Goals give you a sense of purpose. They add structure and meaning to life. You want to make sure they are your goals and not just your conditioning, so it’s good to reassess periodically. Ask yourself, What’s really important to me? How am I moving toward this?

These are strategies that have been validated by research, but they aren’t the only ways for you to increase happiness. I encourage you to become curious about how you experience contentment, meaning, and enjoyment, and what leads to these moments. Become a Happiness Detective!